I figured I could begin by blogging my first Ramadan.
Well, let's just say it hasn't been easy.
The day before Ramadan began I started wondering about the sect (Salafiyyah) I was in. It didn't sit right when I "joined" from the Quranists. I'm typically not a hateful person, it's just not who I am, and the hatred of other groups and strictness; especially people who sit around and think things up to question. (wondering whether or not parting one's hair to the side is haram or not.) WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS, PEOPLE. Goodness!
Then I happened to pick up a book.
A mundane book, but the author happened to be a Shiite. The book was discussing Islam itself, but gave me a great new insight into Shia Islam.
I had an epiphany.
It just seemed to click.
So that became my new mission for Ramadan (along with getting closer to Allah (swt) and learning more surahs of the Qu'ran), I was going to learn about Shia Islam and decide if I wanted to be a Shiite.
Anyway, my first day of Ramadan began with me only drinking two litres out of the five I'm supposed to have in a day, I didn't think this would be a problem.
I was SO wrong.
I woke up late and just barely prayer Zuhr in time, then I grabbed my iPhone and began reading Quran. (Another problem, I've been needing glasses for a few months now, but I can't afford them until Eid ul-Fitr) and so I barely get through the first three surahs and I get a headache.
So I give up and stay in bed and watch the most halal thing I can find.
Headache turned to migraine, and by the time Maghrib came around I was about ready to pass out and/or hurl. But I was rather chuffed because I did it. I actually did it. Alhamdulillah, I had survived my first day of Ramadan.
The second day was rather uneventful. I slept in late again (but I made sure to drink plenty of water the night before) and I didn't get a headache. I woke up for Zuhr and stayed up to read Qu'ran, read articles on Shia Islam and the such. I ended the day with joy at the fact that I didn't suffer again. Fasting wasn't so bad after all.
Days three and four weren't as good because I actually left my house and I missed prayers because of a lack of places to do them (and being so tired from the outings that I missed Fajr [astaghfirullah]) which made me depressed because I couldn't bother to just stay up a few hours more and pray. GAH!
Day five went pretty well, I went out for a bit in hot weather and didn't fare too badly.
Day six was spent in bed because while I didn't have a headache (alhamdulillah) I wasn't feeling well and was very tired. But I managed to drag my sorry behind out of bed and made an amazing meal of dumplings and fried pastry for iftaar.
I think what I learned this week was that Allah (swt) is always there. Life with my family isn't always great when only a handful know that you're a Muslim and the handful that does is opposed to it. It still makes me depressed sometimes, but I know that Allah (swt) is always there. He's there to guide me through those hard days of fasting, the long nights of staying up for Fajr, reading Qu'ran, when I'm sad because my family doesn't approve of my choices, when I'm so fed up with everyone's opinions about me, Allah (swt) is the one I return to, humbled before my most Merciful, most Compassionate and graceful God. The only one there is.
Alhamdulillah for this chance to get closer to Allah (swt).
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